Joss: Tell us your name and a little about yourself.
Jikun: What? Truly? I just answered this god-damn question. If they didn’t read the interview prior they certainly aren’t going to put up with Navon babbling all over the place.
Navon: And so it has begun. (Jikun complaining in the background*) Beside me is Jikun Taemrin, the prestigious and incredibly talented former general of Sevrigel. Boorish, to be sure. He grew up with something close to a barbaric childhood and has an underdeveloped talent for both poetry and cyromancy.
I am Navon Heltura, former captain of Sevrigel.
Joss: Would you elaborate on yourself, Navon?
Navon: Oh, no no. Jikun is right. I am not at all interesting. And if we don’t keep a quick pace on this, I’m afraid the general is liable to just wander of—There he goes already. GENERAL!—DISPLAY SOME MANNERS FOR THE LADY!
Jikun: (begrudgingly returns*) I can see their eyes glazing over from here.
Joss: What are some things that you like to do together?
Jikun: Taverns. War. Bicker. Women.
Navon: Let me clarify that: we do not do the same women together.
Jikun: I don’t know why that was necessary to clarify.
Navon: (flustered*) I meant, we don’t do the same women. (blushes*) I meant to say, I don’t “do” any of the women! I mean, I don’t have relations with women. No women! None!
Jikun: …Well that was embarrassing. Probably should have just let me answer this one.
Navon: My mind is still caught by the last interview!—I just wanted to clarify that you and I—
Jikun: The last interview?—What in Ramul are you talking about?
Joss: (swiftly interrupts*) While we are on the topic of relationships, any love interests in your lives?
Jikun: Love interests? (snorts*) Cheap women, same as I said before. Other relationships… inflict greater wounds than blades.
Navon: (regains composure*) That was rather deep, but it’s not going to prevent me from calling you out on the half-truth. He does fancy a girl named Kaivervi.
Jikun: What? I’ve never said the name.
Navon: I’ve heard it a dozen times over the years.
Jikun: (stiffens*) Utter lies.
Navon: (tosses hand casually*) While you sleep. You have had many a verbal go with her. It all sounds rather intimate.
Jikun: While I sleep?—Good gods, what are you doing in my tent while I sleep? …If you dare breathe that name to anyone again, so help me I’ll tell everyone about Scarletta.
Navon: (mouth snaps shut*)
Joss: Navon, while you and Jikun seem quite close, it seems the general always wins the discussion. Is this an element of your captain / general relationship?
Navon: I suppose so. After all, as close as we are, he’s still my general.
Jikun: (smacks Navon on the back*) He pretends I win more than I do. He goes behind my back half the time anyways.
Navon: I lie no more than you. How often do you say you’ve slept with your last whore?
Jikun: Only as often as you swear you’ve cast your last god-damn necromantic spell.
Joss: You two seem to disagree often. What is one thing you would change about the other?
Jikun: Just one thing? I could go on for days.
Navon: Gods is he surly today. (sighs*) This is a tricky question. I suppose the general’s openness. He locks everything he feels behind such well-carved masks it takes a keen eye to spot his pain or hesitations. And it develops more than one otherwise friendly conversation into an argument. Most of all, it’s frankly unhealthy.
Joss: And you, Jikun? What would you change about Navon?
Joss: You just said there was a long list—
Jikun: Well, it’s not as long as I thought. Navon isn’t really a problem. It’s who he pretends to be that gets under my skin. If he’d stop flaunting a Sel’varian personality, he’d be infinitely more bearable.
Navon: There comes the insult.
Joss: With you two being so close, will we see any action between you?
Jikun: As I said, if he keeps acting so unbearable, I’ll be liable to throttle him.
Navon: (blushes*)…That’s not what she means.
Navon: S-she’s shipping us.
Jikun: (blinks*) To where?
Navon: No… shipping as in… making us a couple.
Jikun: (jaw slacks*)…What the fuck?
Navon: Yes, it’s a very popular thing to do. And you are always acting like such a delicate hot-head around me. And you constantly call me a whore. It only stands to reason that one would eventually match us together due to our deep friendship masked by your boorish behavior.
Jikun: What?! I’d never bed you, no matter how much you act like a god-damn woman!
Navon: That’s slightly insulting on several levels.
Jikun: (marches off*)
Joss: Well Navon… anything to add?
Navon: Wait… did you ask him that previous question in his private interview?
Joss: Yes—he didn’t understand then, either.
Navon: (laughs*) Good thing he didn’t or we would have never dragged him along for this one!